I'm having alot of uncertainty right now. I'm not feeling very safe.
We have been together for almost 4 years.. The first 6 months of our relationship was great. Its the happiest moment in my life. Then she finished her study and decided to go back to help her dad. I didn't want her to go. I really want her to stay with me. But I respect her decision. I started to regret that why I didn't ask her to stay.
Then, our long distance relationship began. We can't be like normal couple, holding hand while strolling along the park everyday, I can't eat her cooking everyday that I used to. I can't hold her hand watching her fall asleep and wake up seeing her beside me anymore. The most of the time we spend for each other is smses everyday and an hour talking on skype everynight. Sometimes if both of us had functions, we didn't talk for days.
I will normally visit her every 4-6 months at her hometown. I treasure every moment that I be with her, even though I had a lot of quarel everytime we meet. But I do like the feeling of quarelling with her and then need to make her happy so that she'll forgive me. Everytime she'll forgive me. I feel very sweet. This is the feeling that I can't get by talking everynight on skype.
I remembered that one time when we were just finished a movie, she promised her family that I'll go for dinner with them without asking me, I was so mad and just stormed out. Took the elevator to first floor (the cinema is at 7th floor). Then I saw her at ground floor looking everywhere for me. I just followed her at the back. She walked to LG, foodcourt, then outside the building trying to look for me. I was so regret that I just walked away. So I packed on her back. She turned around and then she cried (just along a busy street). Of course I had to hold onto her and she keep asking me why I abandon her? People walking by just look at us 1st and then look everwhere to find where's the video. They thought we are filming taiwan's drama. Of course, she forgave me in the end but I promised I never walk away from her ever again.
I also remembered that one time when we were preparing to go shopping. When we arrived at the shopping centre, parked the car, then I found out that my motel room key is nowhere to be found. She took the key when we exited the room, obviously she had lost the key. I was so mad at that time because my company laptop was in the room (there was only one copy of the program that i was doing that time. If I lost the laptop, then I'll be in deep shit). So we drive back to the motel and look for the key. Of course we didn't find it. But luckily my laptop was safe and sound. I was so mad, didn't want to quarel with her (and promised never walk away from her) so I asked her to leave (In theory she walked away, not me). My temper had already cooled down when I saw my laptop. It was raining heavily outside, so I just had a nap and watched TV (pretend nothing happened). A few hours later, I called her (would want her to appologize to me), asked where she were. She told me that she was inside the car below my motel. I expected that she had gone home and sleep and pretend nothing happened like me. But what she did was crying in the car, and wait until I called. How silly she was. She even bought me KFC because she scared that I would be hungry. How silly she was.
Recently, when we were going to eat dim sum. She found a very narrow empty space at the corner. She wanted to park her big Corolla in. I didn't think she would make it. So I told her, "Aiya, you can't park inside de lah, find another space." Because of that, we didn't talk for the whole dim sum session. I din't know what was wrong. So I asked her then found out that i can't say "You cannot park inside", I should say "This space is too small, get another space." What's the difference between two sentence? She told me that the former one was I descriminate her but ther latter one was because the space is too small, she won't be able to park it in. The problem is the car park space, not her. She was very funny. At the end, I need to do a dodgy magic trick and some joke, so that she forgive me again.
All these sweet memories, I won't forget.
Back to our problems. I feel that her family is a very huge obstacle between our relationship. It is true that her parents don't like me (for whatever reason I don't know, I'm not a bad boy). Her parents do not allowed her to come visit me, or go holiday with me (as if I'm the rapist of the century). So everytime I need to see her, I need to go her place. Because of that, we have miss out a lot of our time visiting other places instead.
She said that I have not try my best to please her family, but I was very polite everytime I meet her parents. She said I didn't talk much to her parents. But all her parents was watching dramas when I went to her house. You certainly don't like someone to disturb you when you are watching dramas.
She's not helping me either. Since I'm only at her house less than 2 weeks in a year, I can't do alot of things to impress her parents. I asked her to talk more frequently to her dad about me. What I'm doing in Australia. I didn't know whether she tried or not but I certainly feel that she's not trying hard enough.
She was so obedient to her dad. Although she already 27 years of age, she still would not dare to disobey him.
I'm feeling alone on this matter, fighting for both of us, but she feels that she's alone being in between both of us.
There's some question that I'm always thinking lately, "Should we get married? What if her dad oppose? Who would she choose?" The thing I'm more afraid of is that I might know the answer (Hope my answer is wrong).
Should we still be together? How long can I maintain the relationship like this? Is this a test of how deep our love for each other?
If there's a god in this world, tell me what should I do?
God, if you are listening, I really wish that I can be with this girl the rest of my life.
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